• Derek Bekker

DAY 2 OF MY PUBLIC JOURNAL

DAY 2 OF MY PUBLIC JOURNAL


- Healing? Coming from the heart...For me and my clients...

- Miraculous healing

- Weight and fitness

- Mastering the moment


For simplicity sake I decide to keep a tally on the total words averaging at 1000 per day as I type them up and edit it in word before I post it on the webpage. I am aware how not being 100% ridged allows us to flow with ease in what is still authentic AND what serves the purpose better. I have spent almost the whole day sitting at my mother’s bedside. Her body just a shadow of what has been. I am aware how little time is left but most important is the lessons I learn about my frustrations coming up when I sit there seemingly purposeless while the costs on car rental and accommodation is adding up with every day I spend here. I know how many hours my mother sat at my bedside which reminds me that sometimes it is not the expense that matters but being there for others when they need it.


I was in a good way reminded how difficult I can sometimes be and how much I can actually get done by being friendly and engaging. Days ago I was thinking to get some sewing machines for my project and today I have two on their way at the price of a meter of good fabric. But what is probably more top of my mind today is healing. I started calling my practice Healing Heart more than two years ago. The name often bothered but started sticking nonetheless. Sometimes I feel I am moving too much into the fun or ‘coolness’ of my practice and I start questioning myself and whether my work is worthy of the name. On other days I am faced by those who are in search of healing and question my abilities.

What I know is that the name and intention comes from the heart and therefor beyond reproach. What I do notice though is that all clients coming to me needs some form of healing whether they know it or not. Some even arrive but still actively resist the healing. Then there are those that need it but they are not yet ready to let go of what caused the condition in the first place.


What I do also realise is that every session brings healing to me. Either way the energy that does the healing work is not my energy. At best I am only putting the client in contact with it. It is therefore that me receiving healing in a session where I am the giver of the session does not detract from the energy that is available to the healing of the client.

Whether I can heal or not, I am a firm believer that if the right attitude is present and the right commitments are made healing can take place. Accept of course when the soul itself, the higher self, have made the decision that the body will not heal. Even then I am willing to invite the discussion. The Hawaiian ancestors however believe you cannot from the thinking mind speak to the higher self. It is by exception that one would feel the need to attempt it though.


My mind often want to explain healing away by saying that healing is a very normal thing when we create the context for it. However miraculous healing is possible when the client and healer is ready for it. I find this often to be when the mind needs to get out of the way of the body to allow for it to return to a more natural healthy state. It can even be as simple as to let go of a muscle that is constantly kept under tension due to what is going on in the mind.


Elephant in the room is that I have a vague goal of loosing weight and becoming fitter. Yesterday I still ate way too much. What I want to see today is whether I could get to the end of the day and say that I have stayed conscious of what I eat and drink. Not to make it tough in anyway. Simply just, do I need it or don’t I and not to eat what I don’t need. The second elephant standing right next to it and almost as big is the one about fitness. A bit smaller because I went to gym on Monday before I left Johannesburg to come visit my mom. Bit now I have a light injury in my right leg. I will be back in gym tomorrow and then need to 6 sessions a week. I give myself 1 session this week and then from next week I will do 6.


Bigger than probably any single target is this thing of whether I stay conscious. I am so sick and tired of looking back and thinking I could have handled something better. This can be very confusing. Is it my self-critic that is getting the best of me or am I really taking bad decisions and over reacting in the moment? Both are certainly there. I know I can manage my inner critic but the shadow me is always there. Now that I called it the shadow me I already feel a little more empowered. It is often that little bastard that gets things done so lets not totally reject him. The better action is often so glaringly obvious that I now need to tell this part of myself to step aside and accept that the other part of me can get it done in a nicer way. That part of me can be trusted too to get things done. It can master the moment.


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